Friday, September 10, 2021
Sakto | TeleRadyo (10 September 2021)
Thursday, September 9, 2021
6 Guidelines To Develop True Friendships
Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1 Timothy 5:1,2
“Dear Dr. Sala,” writes a friend of Guidelines, “Every time I try to befriend someone of the opposite sex, they interpret my friendship as a romantic gesture. This really bothers me, and it is not my intention. Can’t we just be friends?”
If you were answering that question, what would you say? It’s easy to say, the problem is that men and women don’t read the signals the same way. What you as a young man intend as an expression of Christian friendship, others interpret as a “come on.” Then you end up losing a friend when you have to ask, “Whoa! Can’t we just be friends?”
In the first century there was a marked separation between the world of the sexes. A woman generally didn’t appear in public apart from the company of a husband, and there wasn’t a lot of social interaction between men and women as friends. That, of course, was part of the culture. Yet as you read the New Testament you understand that Jesus was friends with many women–Mary, Martha, Mary Magdalene, the woman at the well of Sychar and many others. Women ministered to His needs wherever He traveled, yet there is not the faintest hint that His friendship was interpreted as anything but a gesture of sincere love.
Writing to a young man who was a pastor of a church, Paul gave us some guidelines as to how to develop non-sexual friendships. He said, “…treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1Timothy 5:1-2). Here’s how this translates into life today.
Guideline #1: Be genuine and sincere with members of the opposite sex. Get the message across, “I care about you as a person, but my interest in you is as a fellow human being, not as a sexual object or a possible mate.”
Guideline #2: Be careful not to send conflicting signals. Sometimes any gesture of friendship is misinterpreted. When that happens, you’ve got to let your friend know that your interest is simply that of a friend, and nothing more. I’m thinking of a young woman who was befriended by an upper classman who helped her work out a class schedule and introduced her as a new student to some of his friends. She “knew” that he was in love with her! Not so. She misinterpreted friendship. It was “like,” not “love.”
Guideline #3: Realize that a friend compliments someone without smothering that person. Sometimes people are so desperate for a friend that when someone does reach out in genuine friendship, the other person latches on to them the way a drowning person clings to a lifeguard. The other can’t take it. Respect the space of the other person without suffocating that person. Simply put: Don’t expect to be the only friend the other has. Give them room to keep other friendships as well.
Guideline #4: Take a sincere interest in others. Frankly, everybody loves to talk about himself or herself. A few lead questions like, “tell me about yourself. We’ve worked together for several months but I really don’t know much about you” may well open the door for better understanding. You can appreciate someone’s problems much better if you know where the person is coming from.
Guideline #5: Focus on group interaction as opposed to one-on-one encounters. Lunch as a threesome doesn’t send the same signal as spending time as a twosome.
Guideline #6: Follow through on your commitments as a friend.
Resource reading: John 4:2-29
https://www.guidelines.org/devotional/6-guidelines-to-develop-true-friendships/
Sakto | TeleRadyo (9 September 2021)
Wednesday, September 8, 2021
Discover The Ingredient To Real Friendship
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Psalm 27:10
Truth is always stranger than fiction. Take, for example, the strange friendship of two young men who should have been bitter enemies. Instead, they became the closest of friends. One was raised in the palace of a king and knew the luxuries which are associated with that social status. The other was an uneducated youth who rose from obscurity and threatened to usurp the throne. Their names: David and Jonathan.
You can read about them in the Old Testament book of First Samuel. Of David, Gary Ingrig writes, “David was ignored by his father and disliked by his brothers. He was the runt of the litter, who lived with the bitterness of rejection and neglect.”[i] In spite of this, David had a relationship with the Lord which sustained him in his darkest hours. He is the one who wrote, “The Lord is my shepherd….” He also said, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me” (Psalm 27:10).
These two men met following David’s great victory over Goliath. After David had been presented to Jonathan’s father, the king, the young prince stayed behind to talk with David. Here’s the record: “After King Saul had finished his conversation with David, David met Jonathan, the king’s son, and there was an immediate bond of love between them. Jonathan swore to be his blood brother, and sealed the pact by giving him his robe, sword, bow, and belt.” (1 Samuel 18:1-4, TLB).
Another translation puts it, “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.”[ii] What friendship and bonding! They had every reason to be enemies but became friends.
Today we have many acquaintances, but few real friends, and quite often we question how deep a friendship really goes. In these two men, there emerged a pattern which gives us insights as to what real friendship is.
In this friendship I see a number of elements. First, there was absolute loyalty. Jonathan could have betrayed his friend and eliminated him as a contender for the throne. Instead, in the words of Scripture, “he loved him as himself.” Instead of betraying him, he protected him, endangering his own life in the process.
Then each accepted the other “as is.” They were non-judgmental, something which is absolutely necessary for friends to remain friends. Jonathan never tried to improve David’s manners or dress. When the women danced in the streets and sang, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands,” out of jealousy, Saul became angry, but Jonathan defended his friend.
Another ingredient of real friendship is that there was absolute trust. When things got very uncomfortable as Saul tried to kill David, the two made a pact, a covenant, and David pledged his honor to protect and honor Jonathan’s descendants forever–something which he later did. Jonathan, in turn, found out what were the intentions of the king and passed that information on to David, who fled for his life.
Another element often lacking in friendships today was the commitment of these two men to listen to each other, to encourage each other, and to help each other no matter what the personal cost.
In our “what’s in it for me” world today, have we lost sight of what true friendship is about? Think about it friend. Take the time to make a biblical study of friendship. It will enrich your life!
Resource reading: 1 Samuel 18:1-3, 20:1-16.
[i] Gary Ingrig, Quality Friendships, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1981), p. 48.
[ii] 1 Samuel 18:1, New American Standard Bible.
https://www.guidelines.org/devotional/discover-the-ingredient-to-real-friendship/
